Separation Vs Divorce

separation vs divorce
Job vs friendship??

Please help me decide what to do! I have a male friend with whom I have become very close to. He is having serious marriage issues and is facing divorce/separation. He has one child already and his wife is currently pregnant with their second. I have known him for many years but our friendship has really only been as it is now for the past 6 months…i simply see him as my best mate and big brother and that’s all. I currently work for him and his wife has given him an ultimatum,,,either I quit my job and go away or their marriage is over. There has been no lines crossed as far as my relationship with her husband goes, though she thinks otherwise. My friend obviously wants to do whatever he can to save his marriage and keep his children, but at the same time is very resentful against his wife for her behaviour and for making me resign. Should I leave my job? I feel this is the moral thing to do but is the right thing?

You have known this freind only for 6 months, or did you know him before that itself ? I am sorry, because you have mentioned that you know him for many years, but the relationship ”has really only been as it is now for the past 6 months”. So is it that you know him for several years, where the relationship was much closer, and you have been in a good freindly relationship ‘only’ for the past 6 months ? Either way, he is married, has a child, and going to have another baby. I understand that you are close to him, 6 months or not 6 months, but his family will be his priority. His wife too must be going through a lot of physical and emotional changes during this time. Its sad, you dont want to lose a freind and your job, but here you have more choices/options that he has. He has his family, and he cannot fire you (or may not have the heart to) from the job, and he’s undergoing stress as well. I am sure you can see that for yourself.

I honestly feel, that you should quit, although it is like ”why should you, when your feelings are absolutely true and pure, with no other intentions, and he is only a good freind”. But then, considering the condition his wife is in, and putting your freind in a dilemma, you could take the initiative yourself, by trying many other opportunities, elsewhere. Ever thought on why his wife is actually thinking of you in a negative way ? Have you or your freind done something, or behaved in such a way that gave her the idea ? Has he given more priority to you, in any situations in the past for his wife to feel insecure ?

The answers are with you. As much as I feel bad that you would have to leave your job and a freind, the wisest thing would be to keep away from all this emotional mess. And suppose, lets say you kept the job anyway, would you be even professionally satisfied ? With your freind upset for whom you are working for, and having to face his family at some point of time, even if you have dont no wrong, would create some ugly situations that nobody really wants. Or else another alternative would be to go meet her, as she is your freinds’ wife, talk to her, make her feel nice, talk to her often and get involved with her during this time, offer her any help she may need, after all she is your freinds wife. Slowly, she would start realising that there is nothing to it. But then if that is an impossible thing to do you should leave, find a better place with a better environment, and keep the freindship too occasionally. You and your freind would be sad, but you are in fact helping your freind by doing this.

good luck