I want to be active in the LDS church husband doesn’t should I divorce him after our 10 year marriage 3 kids?
We have been married for 10 years and have had 3 children. We were never that active in the LDS church but we did go from time to time. We became totally inactive for a long spell. I started to bring up wanting to be more active again with my husband but he wasn’t interested. The more a pressed the more harsh my husband’s views on religion became. I really want to return to church activities but I hate going without him. It seems like this has become a wedge in our marriage. I feel that I should leave him to find another who would be more willing to attend with me and help raise our children in a god fearing home. Please help!
It is unfair for you to abandon him when you knew he was not active when you married him. I also think that to leave him now would be totally unfair to your children who love him, and to the vows you have made together when you were married.
I am LDS and very active. I give this advice to you because I think that this is really the only right thing to do. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice your activity and testimony of the church. Go to him and explain how you feel. Lay no blame at his feet. Just say, I feel a real desire to become active again and to go to church. I know you do not. I still love you, but I want you to understand that I want to attend my meetings and be active in the church. I would love you to go with me, but if you do not want to, I understand. I do not want you to give me a hard time for going, and I promise you I will not give you a hard time for not going. Will you agree to this?
If he agrees then attend and become as active as you can. I would also involve your children and take them with you to church. This may require further discussions and coming to a mutual agreement with your husband. You cannot force someone to have a desire to go to church and to gain a testimony. I don’t believe God would want you to either.
Their is a really great story I heard about a woman in similar circumtance to yours. She longed for her husband to be active, and told him so. All of her words and actions to convince him to be active failed. The harder she tried, the deeper he planted his heals in the ground refusing to budge. She prayed for help and received the answer that she should do nothing to convince him but only to love him. This she did. She built him up and did all she could to let him know that even though he was not active she loved him no matter what. She attended her meetings and went on her silent way of living the gospel of Jesus Christ. Over time her husband saw that she was sincere and his heart was softened. He finally decided that if the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in the Mormon church could change his wife to such a degree for the better, that he ought to check it out. He went at first to please her, but as he kept going he gained a testimony of its truthfulness. In the end he became an active member too.
God creates miracles in small ways but he expects us to keep our vows and to live as true Christians should. Your husband may never become active, and if he does not, at least you will know that you have done what is right, and have kept your vows. Your children also if older may choose not to attend church. Forcing them to do so is wrong, but encouragement is alright to do. Find creative ways to encourage them to attend so that thier lives can be enriched without using force or punishment.
About divorce, the children would also be hurt even more than you and your husband were if you divorce. Also consider that they would be shuffled to and fro from your ex’s house to yours, and how would they then have a chance to attend church on a regular basis? Their is no guarentee either that you would find a man that would treat your children with the love and respect they deserve or that they would accept him.
My advice to you is to turn to your Father in Heaven for help. He is concerned with your marriage and your decisions. I had some problems in my marriage and needed help. I had tried everything I knew to do. Nothing worked. I went to the Lord in prayer and asked him what to do. I recieved no answer. I told the Lord that I was going to do my part to show my sincerity, that I had done everything I knew to do and that nothing was getting better. I promised him that for the next month that once a week I would fast without anyone knowing about it and try to get answers. The month turned into 6 weeks, and every day I prayed for help. After the end of this time something remarkable happened. I fully expected my Father in Heaven to Zap my husband or something or to wake him up, because I blamed him for not caring about our marriage and for not caring about me. What happened instead was that my heart softened toward him. I realized that I had hardened my heart toward him and blamed him for the problems we had in our marriage. I began to remember him as he was when we first married, and how in love I was with him. I started trying to see the good in him and not the bad. I tried to praise him and build him up. I tried not to argue with him, but to walk away. I tried to let him be the man in the house and not always do just as I pleased. Soon small changes started to occur. He was kinder to me, and seemed to soften in his attitude toward me. Our marriage became better because of the little things not the big things such as being Zapped or converted. I found that so many times God works in small ways to bring about big changes. We have been married now for 25 years. Our marriage is not perfect but we are still together and we have all been blessed because we chose to stay together.
Good Luck, & God Bless