I had an affair and then took a beating to save my marriage. What to do from here?
I had an affair on my husband of 2 years. It lasted a few months. He ended up catching me through reading text messages. He demanded I either divorce him, or break it off with the other guy and take a beating from him. I agreed to the latter trying to save my marriage. He has never laid a hand on me ever before. I wasn’t thinking that he would but he really did beat me, slapping, kicking, whipping, the works. It was horrible. I still have a ton of bruises and it was two weeks ago. He said if I never step out on the marriage, he will never hit me again. I understand he needed to make a point, and let out his anger because I betrayed him and I know I was also in the wrong but I’m a little afraid now. I am not planning to return to the affair and I believe he will keep his word. How do we go on from here though. There is little trust either way because we both hurt each other so much. How can we save our marriage.
You two should get Counseling and Anger Management!
You made a deal to take a beating for the affair? And what did the man get? Wow! Do you feel better, worst or about the same of the marriage as you did prior to the affair? Do you think those feelings will resurface again? What are you going to do if they do? Has he gain a more favorable view point with you after he did the beating?
I believe he used improper judgment in this case. In spite of his anger, he should have remain to be the loving husband that you knew him to be. Since he has done this type of act, and you where tempted to have an affair, he may lose your respect altogether. To build yourself up, I strongly suggest that you empower yourself by enrolling in some of those classes that help women protect themselves. You should practice around the house so that he may be aware of your new found skills. This way, he will be in the know that you are capable of defending yourself should the time arise.
Next, you should have a “come to confession” moment whereby you confess your feelings about the beating. Be sure to state the negative connotations it has on you. Let him talk about his pain. Try to be empathetic about his feelings. Ask him if he would join you in studying your marriage vows to one another. Try to commit them to memory. This puts the focus back on the marriage commitment instead of the two of you.
Your marriage can survive this. Respect your husband’s feelings about such a thing and ask him for your needs. If you are religious, you would have been killed if you lived in Bible times. I suggest that you never cheat or never make a deal like that again. He may kill you!
Also; study the “Chris Brown” case. Domestic Violence is real and should not be taken lightly. What happens if this was to leave your private court and go into the hand the public courts? What if he kills or hurt you very badly?
GET COUNSELING… this is some serious stuff!