For those who have been divorced-What was the moment when you knew your marriage was over?
I have a question for those who have been divorced- what was the key moment when you *knew* your marriage was over and could not be saved?
Personally, I knew the time had come when I found myself no longer “worrying” about what he was doing, or who he was doing it with. I began building my life from my own interests and making my own friends. When I no longer prayed that “we’d” be alright. When going to bed angry didn’t matter anymore and when saying “I love you” felt more and more like a lie.
A marriage is usually over long before anyone brings up a divorce. There is no way to pinpoint an exact time that it’s over, you more or less just feel it from within. When you start to care more about yourself than you do about making the union work it is safe to say it is over.
If there is a flicker of hope that both of you want to save the marriage you’ll know, if it is one sided, it is highly unlikely that it will happen. You can’t make yourself or your spouse feel things that just aren’t there.
When you sit and start to recognize all of the “faults” that your spouse has rather than seeing the “good”, chances are you’ve reached the point of no return.
When you’re “in love” the faults are never obvious enough to hinder you, love does make you blind, when you fall out of love the blinders are off and nearly everything about the other person drives you insane. You wonder how you ended up with someone like that. You question how smart could you really have been to 1) have fallen for this person 2) married this person 3) spent so much of your time devoting yourself and energy to this person. You are more repulsed than anything and you find it hard to even look at the other person, much less sit down across the table and enjoy a meal.
Basically, we grew apart. Physically and emotionally there was no longer an attraction. Communication declined, there was no longer a common ground as our interests had changed and we shared no likes or dislikes (if he liked it, I hated it and vice versa), the friends that we had in common seemed to be lacking as well, we found new friends that didn’t know the other and began to do things seperately.
While he slept in the bed, I slept on the sofa (and vice versa). We found reasons and excuses to be on different schedules and to have “plans” when the other was going to be around.
The course of this took a little over two years to realize and then another year to seperate and yet another year to finalize the divorce. After thirteen years, looking back, I learned alot about what I don’t want in life or from my partner.
I wish you the best of luck, if you want the marriage to be saved, I hope your spouse does too and you can find ONE thing to build from, if you want it to be over, I hope you’re both on the same page as well and I hope that you don’t drag it out, the agony and wasted time don’t do either of you any good.
May you find the happiness that you desire, may you suffer little and may you find strength in knowing that you will get through this.